「あき。こころ…」
sunsets & solaceEndometriosis
This speaks how I feel when it’s something I can’t wax lyrical about and have second thoughts about telling people or even writing here. I guess this should be the first real time I’m coming to terms with it in more ways than one. For the few people that I’ve told or have vaguely heard about this condition, I can never tell them straight about this. And when I utter it, I can’t continue because I don’t feel like anyone will really understand it unless they have this condition too. Yes, they may then know or have allowance for the fact that medically/ technically this is what I have to cope with but it only comes as close to that.
I feel
- so afraid
whenever the pangs of pain hits me, and waves of fear follow.
I read and I research but I have to bear with it end of day, as it is part of me.
Having had one bad encounter, the fear and uncertainty of things beyond my control really torments me.
I tell myself, no hurry and all in life is predestined. With one door closed, you can always find some other window to open but I know I am facing anxiety, with a lump in my throat and tears welling up so easily. If that door is closed for good, I can’t tell myself to find some other window to open so easily.
Join the Holiday Fun Matchbox Swap!!
I’m all excited over my swaps at swap-bots and this is one that caught my eye as a newbie and scrapbooking lover. Join us! Click on the image to read more..
Plain White T’s – 1234
I heart this song! Perks me up..
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4
Give me more lovin’ than I’ve ever had
Make it all better when I’m feelin’ sad
Tell me that I’m special even when I know I’m notMake me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely gettin’ mad, I’m so glad I found you
I love bein’ around you
You make it easy, it’s as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4There’s only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words and that’s what I’ll do, I love youGive me more lovin’ from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friendsMake me feel good when I hurt so bad
Best that I’ve had, I’m so glad that I found you
I love bein’ around you
You make it easy, it’s as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4There’s only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words and that’s what I’ll do, I love you
I love youYou make it easy, it’s easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4
There’s only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words and that’s what I’ll do, I love you
I love you1, 2, 3, 4
I love you
I love you© SO HAPPY PUBLISHING; WB MUSIC CORP.;
What I’ll do on my birthday
I can’t believe my birthday’s approaching me in another 7 days time. As I grow older, birthdays become precious days where I will take leave and spend the day absolutely as I like.
What I plan to do this birthday:
- Sleep and wake up late
- Go for facial and massage/ foot reflex?
- Go for a haircut
- Go solo-shopping, I just love spending alone time at bookstores
- Tidy up my room and finances
- Relax and chirp around like a happy bird
- Be happy & free~
What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami
After eons, I have finally been bringing reading and sanity back into my life for a while. Hopefully I will keep reading and find time to read. I’ve read Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger, this book and now am reading Morality Tale by Slyvia Brownrigg which I have started on and left off for too long that I have to re-start reading it again. So if anyone has good books to recommend or lend me, please support me in my reading mission and lend them to me. Much much welcomed!
Haruki Murakami’s What I Talk About When I Talk About Running.. basically is an autobiography of Murakami by himself with anecdotes on running. Some quotes I like and resonate to:
To deal with something unhealthy, a person needs to be as healthy as possible. That’s my motto. In other words, an unhealthy soul requires a healthy body. This might sound paradoxical, but it’s something I’ve felt very keenly ever since I became a professional writer. The healthy and the unhealthy are not necessarily at opposite ends of the spectrum. They don’t stand in opposition to each other, but rather complement each other, and in some cases even band together.
I need to exercise! Because I have an unhealthy mind and unhealthy body too..
Another excerpt:
I’m struck by how, except when you’re young, you really need to prioritize in life, figuring out in what order you should divide up your time and energy. If you don’t get that sort of system set up by a certain age, you’ll lack focus and your life will be out of balance. I placed the highest priority on the sort of life that lets me focus on writing, not associating with all the people around me. I felt that the indispensable relationship I should build in my life was not with a specific person, but with an unspecified number of readers.
My opinion hasn’t changed over the years. I can’t see my readers’ faces, so in a sense it’s a conceptual type of human relationship, but I’ve consistently considered this invisible, conceptual relationship to be the most important thing in my life.
In other words, you can’t please everybody.
Prioritize, prioritize!
To be less hopeful
More difficult than I thought
More far away than I thought
From when I was young, I always had this thought.
When I really wish for something I shouldn’t hope too much or somehow it will become harder to come true.
When I embark on something difficult that I am not too optimistic about, I think of all the bad things that will happen and they won’t. But if I dream instead of the good that has yet to happen and be hopeful, they only become elusive.
I guess the true essence of contentment lies in here.
Some part of this thought still resonates with me.
Counting my blessings
Much as I’d not like to admit, this year is really a year of trials and tribulations for me. Of course, those who’ve experience much more, seen worse in their lives can beg to differ. But for me where I am in my life right now, I really wish to prevail this year soon and hope for better things to come. Thankfully, I still can hold close what and whom matters most!
Many things I can’t utter or am inept to, I only wish I will be stronger and not in expense of more important things.
Seems like a simple life is elusive but it’s still my dream. I will get there!
Jon Schmidt & a wedding
Jon Schmidt rocks!
This is an absolutely beautiful arrangement…
Also love this
I’m going to get one his albums I swear.
Attended my 3rd wedding this year and of a primary school bestie, Aishah. So among my group of close friends that have shared my life at different stages, both my 2 primary school close friends are married, 1 of my college buddies married 2 years ago, waiting for the other 2 to give me good news. None from my secondary school yet and uni as well. Happy for them to have found their companion and start on a new phase of life together. 2 more weddings of my ex-colleagues this year to go and expecting 2 arrivals of a baby boy and girl! Why am I feeling old.. and broke??
Of good friends, Anna Sui & NafNaf
Good to catch up with good old friends, especially when I’m dried and shrivelled by work etc.
Good to know that 2 good friends in our circle have gotten together (though I renounce the fact that no one tell me about it until now!)
Bought a limited edition Anna Sui tray that’s so pretty, right?
though I haven’t thought about what to use it for and whether to use it in the first place..
And checked out NafNaf with the dear good friend.
